I always say and will continue to say: if it happened, it should have happened. (Credit for this insight belongs to Dr. Marsha Linehan.) Too many of us act aggressively without thinking. We yell and shout. Throw things, stomp around, slam doors, slam down keys and books, bags, and sometimes children. Sigh.
Deep breath. If you do, you know you do. You do not need your baby to turn 13 to tell you. You don’t need me to tell you. What does it do? Yelling, I mean. Yelling teaches aggression. Yelling shows your kids that if you are angry enough, big enough, or tired enough, it is acceptable to yell.
What makes yelling okay? That you can get away with it? That someone else would understand? That it was really the only way to be heard? What would be a good enough excuse for a police officer, boss, or friend to yell at you? What would you do next? Me, I’d probably either yell back or hide. I think that is what kids do, when we yell at them.
So, if it did happen, it should. When the kids are avoiding you, maybe they are reacting in a pretty normal way. When the kids are blocking out all your words, maybe they have learned to tone it down for you. When the kids, yell back, yell at each other, at the dog, at the teacher, you might be able to figure out one reason why.
You change first. They will stick around and join you. If you are frustrated by not getting what you want, find a way to cope with being frustrated. As they say, you can’t always get what you want. Once you have dealth with the anger that you feel effectively, you might be able to deal with helping your child make a more preferred choice.
The cartoon is from azcentral.com and Comics Kingdom.