Controlling Anger — Before It Controls You.

Anger is normal. Many people have trouble acknowledging that frustrated, annoyed, bothered, and upset are all versions of the basic emotion of anger. Anger makes sense. If you are frustrated, you can usually identify what is not the way you want it to be. Maybe you cannot complete a task, maybe you are being asked to tolerate something you don’t want to experience, maybe you are being denied something that you were promised, have a right to, or had before.

Anger can actually be helpful, if you recognize it. Anger might tell you that you have stopped thinking clearly. Anger might energize you to try one more time. Anger might cue you that you are beginning to lose balance and emotions are taking over your motivation to act. Anger can warn you have a problem to solve. At the same time, anger can be a problem to solve.

At the most basic and animal level, anger urges us to act with aggression and display dominance. It tells us we are the ones who has the right, the power, the position to control what is happening. The fact is that we rarely have that kind of power of too many situations. There are many factors going on. So, anger can be a cue to take steps to relax and think more clearly about what is contributing to the problem we are facing. Intense anger, might mean that we need to make sense of what is getting in our way of having what we want. Only by being that clear headed are we likely to make real progress without hurting someone else.