I know that everyone is feeling a bit pressed. Someone did remind me yesterday that it is only December 7th and that leaves many many many days until the 25th! School, work, friends, families are all wanting to share some time and make some memories with us and our children. We too are wanting to give our attention to all. Okay, maybe we some of us are wishing that we could have PEACE for the holidays. At the same time, when we get to the party, when we settle down, when we bring our talents and our gifts, when we accept the generosity of others we can enjoy ourselves. We can choose to remember how valuable our time is and decide what matters is being with each other. We can let go of the anxieties and the frustrations.
Children don’t really have the same sense of time as we do. This is a blessing and a curse. Children are angry and hurt when time runs out. Children (not unlike us) hate being hurried and hate missing any fun. How do we help them get through the routines and make it to the party on time without losing our minds or ruining the day for them and for us?
I’ve attached a link to Dr. Alan Kazdin’s page that promotes his book on raising the defiant child. I don’t think that I have had much contact with families with defiant children — even in my clinical practice. I am including the link because Dr. Kazdin is really smart and reasonable. He has an understanding of why children “should” be defiant and how to help them. The techniques can be great starting places for some new ideas. When we set out to help children make effect choices we need sound structure and good principles to be effective. We also need to be super creative as experts on our own children. Check out the video links on Dr. Kazdin’s page. See if it helps you think of a new way to shape a peaceful world for your children! http://www.alankazdin.com/press_room.htm
The first video tells you about the principles of the programs. The Nancy Shute video talks specifically about praise and effective praise based on the books recommendations. There is more. Remember that you by taking the time to attend to what you are doing you will shape the world for your children and they will learn to make more effective choices and practice more effective behavior.
Thanks for visiting with us! Will you share some special tradition that you practice with your family or your children? Help bring all of us in this new community together.
My favorite thing to do is make a fancy breakfast with waffles, berries, and ice cream. I make sure we have fruit salad and nuts for the waffles to slow the sugar crash. I’m sort of organized around food so to keep it in balance I really really like to talk a walk outside somewhere interesting. I don’t always get what I want but my family tries to accommodate me.
Dr. Kelly Champion